Trunk Line

Who needs humans? Or reality? Meta plans substitutes for both.

Jealous of Amazon’s and Apple’s successes in retail, Meta has created the first completely fake customers to spend money on fake products and services, delivered by fake drivers in fake trucks, all powered by real Meta AI. “We see no reason why the entire economy, from manufacturing and distribution to customers, can’t go entirely virtual,” said Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, speaking to a virtual room filled with virtual reporters taking virtual notes. “We even expect virtual cities to develop, with virtual workers in virtual companies, plus suburbs, farms, and natural wonders that virtual travelers can visit, riding in virtual trains, planes, and cars.” At press time work was halted when virtual developers found that virtual vehicles kept falling off the edge of Meta’s flat virtual world. Also, most virtual agencies for virtual Meta advertisers kept trying to use virtual Meta cash to make Adsense buys in Google world.

“All we know is it’s dark down there.”

HALFACAT, Indiana —Local officials remain stumped by a pothole with no apparent bottom on Ferndog Pike, near the intersection with Poady Road. According to Rusty Midfoster, Street Maintenance Supervisor for the city, “We get a lot of potholes here, but most of them are small and hold water, but this one I don’t know. We dropped a cone in it and didn’t hear a splash. Or anything.” At press time, the city’s Special Projects Coordinator and Director of Street Operations were preparing to publish a new QR code to replace the one that replaced the pothole tip line that was replaced by an email address in 2022. It should appear soon at halfacat.in.gov/you-report, where non-emergency forms can be filled out.